The Fork in the Road
The deep end
There was this sinking feeling that hit me in the middle of that meeting that was called last minute over my Friday lunch. Again.
What the flying f*ck am I doing here? Why does any of this even matter? Am I even making the slightest difference in the world? Does this company even care about me? Why did this bozo book a meeting over my lunch hour? I'm starving — am I just hangry?
The thoughts around these ebbed and flowed over time. Sometimes I got into an okayish automatic mode and made it through the day unscathed. But I've noticed as I've "progressed" in my career, and gotten older and had kids... the voices got louder. And louder. Where was all this doubt coming from? Isn't this the life we were promised — but why did it feel so unfulfilling and robotic? And what could I possibly do about it?
Diving head first
So... I quit. I had finally come to the realization that I had reached my breaking point, and in a move that may come off as a little cray cray I left my stable 9-5 office job.
Most people first ask me what I'm leaving for, expecting me to name drop another exciting company I was joining for a similar or better role. Did I have something on the backburner? Not in the traditional sense. I didn't have a new job lined up, nor am I really looking for a new one. Hey recruiters, stop messaging me please! In fact, it really does feel like something snapped inside and now I'm diving headfirst into an abyss — an abyss that includes a ton of autonomy and flexibility, and a focus on things that matter to me.
My Great Resignation
Am I just another individual in a larger movement? You have to admit, something is going on. The Great Resignation is really a thing — we've all read about it and I've seen it firsthand, with many friends and colleagues changing things up in the past year. Now I'm ecstatic to say I'm part of it. But what exactly happened and how did we get to this point?
Well, COVID happened. In my case it really did kick off a chain of events. We went into lockdown and then WFH became a regular fixture. Sure, we had all worked from home once in a while, but this was different. The home office (or for those of us less fortunate, the home office nook or home office kitchen table or home office broom closet) was where you spent your 9-5, and at first it seemed fantastic. I mean, it was the perk we were all asking our companies for, especially in knowledge industries where we didn't really need to be physically on site somewhere operating dedicated equipment. And don't get me wrong, it was amazing to not have to spend hours every week commuting.
But a few months in... something was off. The benefit of not having to commute should have translated into more time for myself and more time for rest, but I was feeling more tired and more time starved. For sure, various states of lockdown had us dealing with constant kids and constant Zoom calls at the same time — neither of which are particular compatible. But this really just felt like the wake up call. Why did I feel like I was choosing my work over my family in every micromoment? It really didn't help that my role involved (at a minimum) 8 hours a day of Zoom calls. The research backs me up on this: staring at a screen of people staring at you for hours upon hours has the complete opposite effect of interacting with people in person. It is literally exhausting.
There were other factors as well, where my role was starting to reveal conflicts and crevices between what I valued and actions that the company and leadership had taken. The never-ending quest for growth at all costs and industry dominance was frankly a source of increasing disillusionment, especially when decisions were made at the expense of the very people who had believed in the vision and battle cries of the organization.
I was clearly ready for a break from the norm, if not a wholesale change. Quitting my current role was the first big step to make things right for myself.
Designing a new life
So I'm over 2 months into my new life, and who can complain? I took the first month as complete freedom — a chance to undo and recoup from years of toiling and my most recent burnout. It was glorious and has been an absolute game-changer.
After being able to reflect, there are a few themes that I want to intentionally incorporate more of going forward, no matter what's next for me. Some of these are:
a better balance of life priorities vs work priorities
a focus on deepening relationships with those I care about
raising my kids with positive, caring, empathetic values
learning new skills that allow me to produce more and consume less
investing time and effort in making a positive impact on the world in the areas of helping disadvantaged populations and tackling climate change
questioning the status quo and why we do things just because we've always done things that way
So... what's next for the "work" part of my life you ask? We've been cooking up lots of ideas to pursue and in many ways it's a response to all of the things I've talked about. We're really interested in documenting my journey to find meaning, fulfillment, and happiness with way more balance. Do we have the secret sauce? I doubt it, but we're willing to open the doors and shine a light on how we intend to find out!
